This review has been made possible by the magnificent team at Nikki Darling. They're a kickass online retailer based in Australia whose ethics are as awesome as the products they stock. They provided Überlube to Miss Smut Buttons in exchange for an honest review. If you're interested in acquiring Überlube, you can do so here.
People…I have a sexual dysfunction. Thanks to my need for store-bought neurotransmitters, I am no longer a self-lubricating device. This means that I need to rely on the technology of lubricant. I like being wet. I like my bits to be all slip-and-slide like. I enjoy this because it makes sexy times a thousand times more enjoyable, as well as a lot safer. But when it comes to talking about wetness, there are a few barriers that pop up. Many people seem to judge my love of lube and wetness and seem to think that I am in some way unique. I’m here to tell you that everyone, yes even you, should be using lube.
I’m not a huge fan of MMA, but I am a fan of strong, powerful women. So when Rhonda Rousey started making waves I started paying attention. She’s said some pretty great things during her career, but she’s also said some pretty ignorant things. The one that particularly got my hackles up was when she said “If you need lube, then you’re being lazy.”
Rousey’s statement is one that reflects the attitudes of a lot of people. There’s this idea that lube is only for people who can’t get wet on their own. This is rubbish.
Here’s the thing; wetness, just like hardness, is not an indication of desire. There are an absurd amount of situations where a person can be incredibly aroused, but fail to get or maintain an erection. Likewise, there are circumstances where someone can be dripping wet but not actually want to be. Sexual arousal is a multifaceted thing and for vagina owners, being wet is one tiny, and kind of duplicitous facet. Even vagina owners who don’t suffer from sexual dysfunction might still prefer to use lube. It’s not an indication of any shortcoming on their partner’s behalf, but simply comes down to; the wetter the better.
When vagina owners have sex, we can be turned on, ready and willing but our vagina hasn’t quite received the message. Sometimes our labia are wet, but internally there are still dry spots (or the other way around). Vaginas are complicated things and are incredibly far from perfectly designed. Lubricant is not about the person we’re with not turning us on, it’s simply a way for us to enjoy sex more. Even when a vagina is naturally wet, it can still get micro abrasions or tiny pinches and tears from penetration. This isn’t necessarily painful, but it can make things uncomfortable, especially in the hours after sex. Using lubricant simply eliminates these mild discomforts and means that vagina owners can enjoy comfortable sex as much as their penis owning partner.
For many vagina owners however, lubricant is a necessity. There are a large number of factors that can prevent people from self-lubricating. Anything from drugs and alcohol to menopause, cancer to hormonal birth control, not to mention a huge list of medications, including antidepressants. Unless you’re taking your partner’s medical history, you have no way of knowing what their wetness situation is. So avoid making them uncomfortable and apply lube.
And vagina owners remember; there is NO shame in not being able to sustain some rising damp in your basement. Anxiety, depression, or just everyday stress can all make it next to impossible to get wet. Even first date nerves or first hookup awkwardness is enough to dam your flow.
But even if you have no problems with getting your Niagra on, lube is still incredibly useful for a lot of other sexual activities. For a start, if there are boobs involved in your sexy times, covering them in lube and sliding them over other body parts (A.K.A a bodyslide) is pretty much the greatest feeling in the world. Boobs are already pretty fucking amazing, but slippery wet boobs all over your body...next fucking level!
Also, not every orifice is self lubricating. If you’re doing anything involving butts and you’re not using lube (and FYI spit is NOT a lubricant) then I’m pretty sure you’re committing a war crime. Likewise if you’re attempting “Spanish” (which here means titty fucking) then you’re obviously going to want a wet and willing decolletage.
Also, lube makes safe sex a whole lot more satisfying...and even safer!
So all of this leads me to answer the question I’m sure you were silently asking. Which lube is the best lube? Well, first of all it’s important to read our Guide To Lubricant, because there are some rules about what wetness goes where. But for all of your silicone lube needs, there’s really only one answer.
Überlube’s is a registered medical device with FDA, CE, CCN, ARTG. It’s a pure silicone lubricant with a trace amount of vitamin E to improve the finish and leave a smooth sensation. I’ll let this gynecologist explain the ingredients to you, because let’s face it, I’m no doctor.
“Überlube has 4 ingredients: dimethicone, dimethiconol, cyclomethicone and tocopheryl acetate. The first 3 are all polymeric organosilicon compounds commonly referred to as silicones, and tocopheryl acetate is the ester of acetic acid and vitamin E. All the ingredients are non-toxic and can even be ingested. The formula naturally does not harbor bacteria, yeasts or molds so it needs no preservatives, alcohols or antimicrobial additives.”
You can use Überlube with natural rubber latex and polyisoprene condoms (e.g. SKYN) but do NOT use it with polyurethane condoms (e.g. Trojan Supra).
The Überlube good news continues for vegans and friends of animals, since it contains no animal products and wasn’t tested on them. It also doesn’t have gluten, glycerin, parabens, preservatives, petrochemicals or perfumes. It’s as close to not existing as it’s possible to get while still being helpful! It also doesn’t contain any spermicides. Before writing this, we did consult with Smut Button’s resident Chemist and she advised that the only ingredient to be careful of is the Dimethiconol which isn't water soluble, so if there’s internal residue it might be there for a while. All of this means it’s incredibly unlikely to cause an allergic reaction, but as always if you’re concerned about skin sensitivity, do a test patch on your skin before use.
The thing I found most noteworthy about Überlube was the lack of flavour. It really doesn’t have any taste, so if you’re into oral as part of intercourse you don’t have to worry about getting that chemical aftertaste that some lube has. It won’t change or overpower the natural flavour of the person you’re with. Even if you’re using it during a Spanish session, you can safely suck some nipples and taste nothing but skin. Again, just so close to be nothing! Also, if you’re into the idea of fucking while pretending to be a mermaid (and let’s face it, who isn’t) then you’ll be delighted to learn that Überlube works underwater, which means it’s perfect for use in the shower, the bath, or Atlantis.
What I especially enjoy about Überlube is the feeling half an hour after sex. Even other high end silicone lubes can still feel a little bit sticky or cloying for a while afterwards, unless you shower and properly wash them off. Überlube on the other hand, again, feels like nothing. Your skin is left feeling just a little bit slicker than usual, but without feeling lubed up or sticky.
At this point, maybe you’re not sold on the idea of using lube in your sex life (you’re wrong, by the way) or perhaps you’re asexual and don’t anticipate needing lube enough to warrant buying an entire bottle. Well, the good news is, you can actually use it for non sexy things as well! If you’ve ever found yourself suffering from the dreaded “chub rub” between your thighs, or even in your armpits or on your nipples, a small application of Überlube can fix that shit right up. Long distance runner Jacq Jones said that one application of the stuff lasted her the entire duration of the New York Marathon! It’s also apparently a great cuticle oil, and a lot of hair dressers use it for styling to give hair a glossy, healthy and hydrated look that prevents it from getting frizzy.
Überlube has sexy packaging that kind of reminds you of a science laboratory; glass bottles that clean up easily with a quick soapy rinse, and discrete travel editions that hide a glass canister in an aluminium casing. Even their smaller samples come in tasteful glass vials, like some kind of RPG healing potion of wetness.
Just to recap, if you aren’t using lube during sexy times then you’re wasting awesome opportunities for better, more satisfying sex. And if you aren’t using Überlube you really fucking ought to be. It’s basically nothingness in a concentrated liquid form that makes your genitals feel slippery and slick for exactly as long as you want them to be. Put some nothingness on your junk; trust me, you’ll fucking love it.
That is all.
You may go now.