People...I don’t believe in fence-sitting. When I review something, it’s either because I love it more than I would the fruit of my own loins, or because I loathe it with the fiery passion of a neckbearded fedora wearer reading a Clementine Ford article. There's rarely an in-between for me. So this week, I hope you’ll open a new tab on your browser and let me wax lyrical about something that brings immense joy to my life.
My fellow fantasy fans will understand what I mean when I say that most modern fantasy seems to be designed purely as some kind of erotic display. Whether we’re talking about Red Sonja and her lovely chainmail bikini, or the multitude of shirtless men in True Blood and 300 or the tsunami of titties that we’re graced with every time we tune in to Game of Thrones. Fantasy is a highly sexualised genre. So it shouldn’t really be surprising then that when someone makes a porn webcomic based in a fantasy realm, it doesn’t often look too different to what we’re used to seeing in comic books, video games and TV shows already.
Oglaf is an even split between comedy and porn. So obviously I love it more than I love writing fan mail to Helen Mirren (I’m sorry Helen, I promise I’ll get help as soon as you admit you feel the same way). Most of the comics are episodic and though there are occasional narratives, most of those occur in 3 to 5 page bursts. Despite this you will totally forgive yourself for instantly falling in love with the awesomeness of the characters created by Trudy Cooper and Doug Bayne.
There’s the bumbling but immeasurably adorable Ivan whose cum is bewitched, by his Mistress, to run and tell on him every time he masturbates. A fate made no easier by his daily duty of oiling down naked succubi. Ivan has an admirer in the shape of the absurdly over-dramatic Xoan Ambassador, Sandoval, who tried to kill Ivan rather than have to change out of his funeral clothes when he realised no one was dead.
Then there’s Navaan, the virgin, vampire assassin con-woman of colour. And yes, she’s every bit as awesome as that sentence made her sound.
There’s Greir, the mercenary woman who finally managed to avoid the frostbite and hypothermia that her predecessors succumbed to in their attempts to sexually pleasure the Snow Queen so that winter could finally end. Or there’s Greir’s one time nemesis, Vanka, the roguish thief who uses her sexual wiles to slip out of tight spots…or into tighter ones depending on where you’re standing.
But there’s also the ragtag cast of extras and cameos, including the Lizard of Guilt, Kronar the Barbarian, Mistertique (who exudes the masculine mystique), some bear prostitutes, cum sprites, magic fish, a giant cock sucking spider, a talking fox and countless other subverted fantasy characters you just want to see boning.
Oglaf is a perfect example of laughing at sex without laughing at anyone’s expense. You will see burly barbarians fucking other burly barbarians, you will see lady thieves sexually beguiling lady mercenaries and you’ll see bears and a fox making a human man marry a bundle of sticks in a dress. You’ll also see Sandoval have sexual feelings towards a dessert, Ivan giving himself a blowjob with his disembodied cock, a barbarian woman commanding zombies to fellate each other, and many other variations on “not heterosexual monogamy”. But never is the varied combinations of couplings the punch line, on the contrary Oglaf actively celebrates sex and sexuality. The joke is often on the prudish and repressed characters who seem to genuinely be afraid of sexual perversion. The audience is never encouraged to laugh at a character for the way they have sex, or what they’re into. With a few exceptions, most of the characters rejoice in their variety of sexual exploits.
Despite the plethora of fucking that occurs within the pages of Oglaf, it is never done exclusively for the male gaze. There are just as many turgid erections and flopping phalluses as there are glistening pussies, exposed anuses and noticeable nipples. The sexualisation of the characters isn’t for anyone, except seemingly the characters themselves. It’s kind of a nice change really.
The awesome illustrations and the comics themselves aren’t the only reason to visit the site either. There are stupid little jokes hidden everywhere, for no other reason than that the authors seem to be shameless smartarses (which explains my natural attraction to both of them). Hovering your mouse over the comic image will reveal a hidden joke, there’s the little line of text above each comic that will give you a giggle and then even in the archive the occasional descriptions of how safe for work the pages are is designed to make you laugh. Oglaf just wants to make you smile and isn’t afraid to do it with a parade of dick jokes and shameless puns.
So please, do yourself a favour and navigate over to Oglaf, start at Cumsprite and work your way through a litany of mushroom-spoor princes, evil detecting dogs, owl fetishists, fake death, funworms and more!
That is all.
You may go now.
*Obviously the images used in this review are not mine. I’d be a far more awesome human being if I could lay claim to having created these. The images you see are purely to demonstrate the awesomeness you could be beholding if you were over at Oglaf.com right now instead of here reading this rather rubbish review.