People...let me tell you a story. When I was a kid, like many children, I was encouraged to learn how to read. They told me that knowing how to read was a valuable life skill. They said it would open up fantastic new worlds and exciting adventures.
I knew they were all fucking morons. You see I'd figured out that if I got rich enough, I'd just pay someone to read to me! Even as a child, I knew that having servants made you better than everyone else. So I decided, bugger this reading malarkey, I would acquire indentured labourers for all my intellectual heavy lifting. I would build a glorious empire of never having to do anything.
It eventually dawned on me that I would actually require all of these accursed skills in order to build my diabolical empire of intellectual servants. So I finally caved and learnt how to read and write. And this was how I conquered the world with my gigantic brain.
What was the point I was getting to? Oh yes! I don't know about any of you, but one of my favourite things in the world is having someone read to me. There's something deliciously decadent about it. Now add to that decadence a layer of nudity, a steady flow of delicious cocktails and a sneaky underground location and you're starting to appreciate how absurdly awesome Naked Girls Reading actually is.
The show is exactly what it sounds like. It's four women on a stage, naked, reading to you. But don't be fooled into underestimating the entertainment value of such a seemingly basic premise. The show is witty and clever and uses its simplicity to its advantage. It's held once a month, and is currently hosted at The Noble Experiment in Collingwood, Melbourne. Each month a different theme is chosen and this will dictate the material that's read and the guests that are invited to perform.
Dudes don't get to perform. It's common knowledge that men cannot read.
The lighting is soft, the music is funky and the art prints on the wall are enough to get the conversation started, if for some reason you feel uncomfortable about the impending nudity. When the show kicks off you'll have the unbridled pleasure of meeting your hosts, Frankie Valentine and Vesper White, two vastly different, but equally alluring performers. Frankie is a stunning, breathy burlesque beauty and Vesper is a Bettie Page-esque, alternative pin up girl...ok yes, I'll admit it! I have a raging lady boner for both of them! So sue me. But more importantly, both ladies have a quick wit, exceptional diction and great delivery.
Depending on the theme of the evening you attend, you will have two guest readers from a field relevant to the night's theme. Having attended every performance so far, I can say without crossing my fingers, that they consistently select intelligent, beautiful and funny women to share the stage with. Both the hosts and the guests will read two pieces of their own selection. Content is very varied. I've heard everything from historical accounts to emails from Quentin Tarantino, lesbian erotic fiction to a very well read passage from Harry Potter. I've seen Frankie perform a Bogie and Bacall scene with an audience member and watched Vesper deliver a reading of her favourite childhood bedtime story. I've never heard a joke fall flat, or felt awkward about the fact that these women are naked as they read to me. If anything, the material and delivery is often so entertaining that you risk forgetting that there is actually any nudity at all.
I recommend attending with a group of easy going friends. Mainly because you'll probably want someone to discuss the event with afterwards and if you're like me and your only friend is you mum, that could get kind of awkward.
So what are you waiting for?! Tickets are available through Sticky Tickets (www.stickytickets.com.au)
That is all.
You may go now.