People...sex isn’t hard. Well, I mean for most of the population, it’s not a difficult pursuit. Which is probably why it remains such a popular past time. So let me get one thing out of the way, if you’re an able-bodied person, the Liberator Wedge isn’t exactly going to solve any sexual problems for you. But it will make a lot of sexy-time activities easier and more enjoyable than you ever realised they could be. Basically the Liberator Wedge will help you turn your sex game up to eleven.
For anyone who isn’t able-bodied, and I mean this in the broadest possible sense of the term, the Liberator Wedge is a goddamn miracle wrapped in velour.
I spent many of my formative years playing at being an equestrian, hoping to follow in my mother’s illustrious footsteps. And I got very good at one specific part of horse riding; the falling off. Despite my best attempts, it seems that gravity was a bigger draw card than the saddle. The result of this, as many horse riders can tell you, is that I now have a lot of aches and pains that get worse in cold weather, and occasionally give me a sexy limp if I sit too long in one position.
The injuries that particularly bother me are my hips and knees, since I spent a lot of time landing on them. This isn’t really a problem for my day to day life and I’m ambulant almost 100% of the time. However, when my joints do decide to fuck with me, it’s usually when someone else is already attempting to do so. Certain sexual positions can only be maintained for limited periods before they will result in a cramp, or a locked joint. I sadly have to confess to accidentally kicking more than one partner in the face when trying to manoeuvre my ankles from around their neck.
So, when I first tested the Liberator Wedge, I had low expectations. I figured it was just a stupidly expensive throw cushion at best, or would exacerbate my already rubbish joints, at worst. But within about thirty seconds of trying it, I felt like I had gazed upon the starry eyes of the gods. All of the weird pressures and tensions that normally plagued my joints during fuckery, were no longer there!
I’m a little ashamed to admit, that I’ve been tolerating these aches for so long that I didn't realise how much of an impact they have on my pleasure. I'd been thinking "good enough" was as good as I was going to get for so long. I'd forgotten how much time I spend during sex just focusing on holding my muscles at the right angle to relieve pain. I'd forgotten that it's not normal to ignore painful cramps, because I'm just too close to orgasm to stop, damnit.
Using the Wedge took away all the pressures and left me with just the pleasure.
And that’s exactly what the Liberator Wedge brings to the table. It just makes things easier than you knew they could be.
Instead of all the tiny, micro-intrusions your brain can be focusing on during sex, there’s just pleasure left.
You can relax your whole body, and it keeps you at the perfect angle to still enjoy everything.
And even if you’ve never experienced any kind of physical pain or distress in your life, the Liberator Wedge still helps you up the pleasure factor.
Many people have been enjoying positions like this for years with the help of normal bed pillows or throw cushions. And if you’re one of those people you’re probably sitting there asking yourself why the hell you should fork out the money for a fancy sex pillow.
Well, the difference between the Liberator Wedge and your average Tontine is this - one is made for sex and the other is made for sleep.
The Wedge has a waterproof cover underneath its luxurious velour exterior, which means any delightful bodily fluids you manage to slop onto it, will never go any deeper than a cover that you can throw in the washing machine.
It also doesn’t crumple. It stays supple but firm no matter how long you park your ass on it. Unlike your average pillow which starts to sag and lose its lift after about thirty seconds of fucking.
And aside from anything else, with The Wedge,you don’t have to worry about accidentally sleeping on the sex pillow that spent twenty minutes under your asshole.
Now, you may be asking yourself, “But what the hell do I do with a fancy fuck pillow when I’m not using it? I can’t just leave it lying around!”
Well, dear readers, I have some wonderful news! You CAN just leave it lying around! When my mother visits, I tell her it’s a “fitness wedge” that my physio recommended for my spinal exercises. When my trendy yuppie friends pop over, I tell them it’s a “Turkish sedan” and they all nod and comment on how theirs is bigger, because none of them are willing to admit they have no idea what a “Turkish Sedan” is or how to sit on it.
The Liberator Wedge manages to look like a lot of different things, without ever looking like a sex thing.
My recommendation is, everyone needs a Liberator Wedge in their sex life. It’s delightful, functional, easy to clean, comes in great colours and in short is the best thing to happen to sex since lubricant.
So give yourself a Wedge-y my dear readers. You deserve it!
That is all.
You may go now.